Help & Advice - Sexual Orientation

Being gay or bisexual means, in simple terms, that you are physically and emotionally attracted to people of the same sex as you. Nobody chooses their sexuality and despite sexuality being only one aspect of an individual's being, to be gay or even bisexual is certainly not always without its problems.

Prejudice and homophobia still abound in society and because the general expectations of most cultures define sexuality and gender as normal only when they involve heterosexual males and females forming bonds together, life and sexual identity are still not as straightforward for a gay person as they are for a straight one. But society is changing through a combination of tolerance and legislation.

For anyone who is gay or bisexual and 'out' or who is struggling to keep their sexuality a secret, perhaps some of the advice in this section and across the site in general will help you to find support, information and advice about gay issues and problems. Perhaps you are a young person who is confused by what seem to be 'unconventional' sexual feelings for people of your own gender. You may be a parent, friend or partner of a gay or bisexual person or someone who is working toward ensuring less prejudice and more inclusivity for gay, lesbian and bisexual people.

How do you know if you're gay?

Nobody is born knowing who they are, let alone whether they're gay, straight or whatever. Some people are largely attracted to people the same sex as themselves - they are gay or lesbian. Other people are attracted to both men and women to varying degrees - they are bisexual (see this separate page).

Your sexuality, (sexual orientation, sexual identity) can change with time, or can be unsure, so take your time to confirm who you really are.

At some point in their life, most people feel drawn to someone of their own sex. But finding someone attractive doesn't mean you're gay. For many, these feelings are just part of normal sexual development and many go on to have staight relationships.

What if these feelings don't go away but get stronger? Please have a look at the help and advice section, particularly the coming out guide. This discusses the often confusing emotions people experience as the come to terms with who they really are.

Am I gay?

There is no simple answer to this question, as it varies from person to person. Deciding you are gay often happens gradually, it may not be something you can initially put a name to, and it can feel very confusing.

During research carried out with young gay men in the UK, the men interviewed described a set of feelings which they gradually realised made them 'different' in some way, feelings they thought maybe every teenage boy has. The team at AVERT, an international charity, have put together useful pages on this subject.

Homophobia

Homo means 'Man' in Latin, but the word 'Homophobia' is derived from the Greek (as is 'Homosexual' which roughly means 'attracted to the same' and not 'attracted to men'). Therefore 'homo' in homophobia indicates sameness or similarity. So although, in reality, it's a bastardised word which has been cobbled together to indicate a fear of homosexuals; you could also take it to mean a 'fear of sex with the same sex'.