Help & Advice - Sexual Orientation

Bisexuality is much more common than is generally believed. Comparatively few people have no interest whatsoever in people of their own sex. However, in the vast majority of men this doesn’t usually exceed casual intellectual curiosity and isn’t accompanied by any sexual response. Sexual orientation varies from those who are not attracted at all by people of their own sex and are exclusively heterosexual to those who are exclusively homosexual.

One study carried out in the mid 1980s found that only one man in ten who considered himself homosexual had not had a sexual relationship with a woman. Other surveys have shown that more women than men are significantly bisexual. As many as 20 per cent are thought to be physically and emotionally attracted to other women. But only a comparatively small proportion — about a quarter - of these have had any form of sexual congress with the women who appeal to them.

Dutch research in 2003 studied the physiological response to homosexual erotic films of both men and women. It demonstrated that whereas only men who already accepted that they were homosexual or bisexual were turned on by male nakedness and homosexual behaviour, a majority - far more than the expected 20 per cent - of women had a physical response to female sexual behaviour even though they had never considered that they had any bisexual leanings. In fact, the overwhelming majority of women, many of whom claimed not to have been sexually aroused, showed a physical reaction on the gadgetry that was measuring their responses.

Until a few years ago it was thought to be politically incorrect to say that homosexual or bisexual men tended to be more obsessed by the physical manifestations of sexual activity than are heterosexual men. It is now accepted as a justifiable generalisation that homosexual and bisexual men have more relationships than do heterosexual men, and that they are more likely to be casual.

Bisexuals aren't confused

Everyone accepts that it's possible for a person to be attracted to people of more than one height, weight, hair colour, or race. For bisexuals that openness also includes gender.

Bisexuals aren't greedy

It's not 'greed' if someone likes chocolate cake and fruit salad. Greed isn't a wide range of desire or attraction; it's excessive attraction. Some people seem to confuse being attracted to more than one gender with being attracted to everyone. It's a bit like saying that lesbians or straight men are attracted to all women, or straight women and gay men are attracted to all men. Bisexuality isn't about 'all' it's about 'either'.

Bisexuals don't have to be equally attracted to men and women

You don't have to be equally attracted to red-heads and brunettes to be attracted to both, and preferring lettuce to liver doesn't make you a vegetarian. Some are only attracted to 5% of one gender, and 60% of the other - you don't need to be 50/50 or have those add up to 100.

Bisexuals can be faithful

How can someone attracted to more than one gender be faithful to a partner of one gender? Being attracted to people isn't cheating, did you know? Some people are attracted to more than one gender, some people to more than one skin colour, or height, or body shape, or age group, or background. Would a straight man attracted to both tall and short women be unable to remain faithful to a tall girlfriend? Being bisexual isn't what makes someone cheat. Wanting to cheat makes someone cheat.

Bisexuals don't have to date both men and women

Some are in happy relationships with one partner, others have multiple relationships and some swap to dating the other sex whenever their current fling ends. Some bisexuals are happily married and raising children. You do not need to have ever have had sex to be bisexual. 

It's not a phase

Some people who aren't bisexual sometimes identify as bisexual. Yes, those people may well later stop doing so. For many gay men in the gradual process of coming to terms with their own sexuality, calling themselves bisexual for a while is a 'flag of convenience'. However, they are not bisexual. If you are bisexual you will probably hear the following biphobic statements:

• You'll grow out of it
• You're just experimenting
• You're just too chicken to come out as gay
• You have to pick a side eventually
• When you decide on a life partner / settle down you'll reveal your true colours

Bisexuality isn't about who you have sex with, or who you're in a relationship with. It's just about you - and the genders you are attracted to.