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+ my story - Mark Probee
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My Story - POPT Mark Probee, HMS Albion

Attitudes in Western society towards human sexuality have changed enormously in recent years, and so has the law. Today, homosexuality is increasingly seen as simply another dimension to a person's character, just as race or religion. Therefore, when asked to produce an article for this magazine, I leapt at the opportunity. Not for any need to preach about pride in my sexuality, as that is just a fact of life, but to respond to the view that the predominantly heterosexual environment of the Armed Forces is unwelcoming towards gay people.

When the ban on gay people in the Forces was first lifted, I remember concern being voiced that it would be "bad for morale". In actual fact, this has not proved the case, and in my experience Service personnel are on the whole quite accepting when they discover someone they are working with is gay. When I joined the Royal Navy in 1984, I was conscious of the fact that you were not allowed to be a practicing homosexual in the Armed Forces and, as I valued my job, I did not practice my sexuality. I would hear the views of people, generally expressed within the peer group environment but never really
contributed to their conversations, preferring to accept the fact that people had to be seen to say the right thing within those same peer groups. I suppose that I sub-consciously concentrated my efforts on how I would put my opinions across, if asked, without giving the game away, whilst at the same time being as true to myself as I could. If I had to blatantly lie about myself, my self-respect would have completely disappeared; I could have ended up almost succumbing to the view that my sexuality was completely wrong. But how could it be wrong? After all, I never chose to be gay and nothing happened in my past that could have obviously ‘psychologically damaged’ me. Suffice to say, I kept my personal situation hidden whilst at the same time managing to retain my level-headedness. I was also aware that I was missing out on the one thing that everybody craves, to be loved, or to be able to love and care for someone.

My closest call with being outed came in early 1996 when on board HMS BEAVER. The ship was alongside in Devonport and I was about to go ashore to referee a ship’s football match. The Master at Arms called me to the Regulating office and asked where I would be for the next half hour as there were some people coming on board to speak to me. Knowing that this sounded ominous I started to mentally prepare myself for what might be ahead. Can you imagine what it is like to know that within half an hour your career could be over for no reason other than somebody took a dislike to a detail in your personal life? (I still find it difficult to understand why some people in the Service felt this way about gay people but saw nothing wrong in other's extra marital affairs). Many people in the PT branch had probably suspected me for years, but nobody had ever asked me outright, and this was the only source that I immediately suspected. So, the SIB came on board and I was taken to Provost HQ for questioning. I wonder what people thought as I went over the gangway? Without going into too much detail I was questioned for 45 minutes and heard that the accuser was a very good friend of mine and she even used the name of another friend to corroborate the story. This other friend never knew anything about the situation and was stunned when I
eventually bothered myself to talk to her – suspecting her guilt as well - and told her what had happened. Suffice to say that I got through this - having never done anything wrong in the first place - and it actually gave me the strength to know that I could really deal with this whole situation.

In some ways I am probably not the ideal candidate for producing an article like this as, thankfully, I do not have many experiences of almost getting found out or suffering from bullying and harassment, although I know that some have not been as fortunate. I’ve only had that very brief experience of the ‘witch hunt’ scenario and do not think that there is anything in my character that ‘gives the game away’. I’ve worked on the PT staff at CTCRM for 2 drafts and within that Royal Marine environment there has never been any obvious discontent or victimisation. Even now people are surprised to find that I am gay (apart from my obsession with wearing cowboy boots…….apparently!) and it certainly wasn’t public knowledge on HMS ALBION - which I have just joined - because a person’s sexuality is private in the same way as their other personal details. If anything, when people do find out these days it tends to lead to a whole host of questions, testament to the fact that most people just want to understand and are far from the realms of being bigoted. I know that those bigots do still exist but I have never been unfortunate enough to encounter an outspoken one who wishes to push his views into the faces of others. If I am in any way able to present the acceptable face of my sexuality then that must be a good thing and hopefully it will make people realise that you can’t actually tell who is straight or gay once you remove the sticker from their forehead.

Suffice to say that times are changing, and for the better. Now in my 20th year of the Navy, I have been able to cope without having a comfortable, love-filled, private life, but others haven't found it so easy, having to experience the ups and downs without the support of a partner. Thankfully this no longer has to be the case. I am extremely lucky to have been with my partner for 18 months and can safely say that I would not have changed anything. Doing things differently would have meant taking my whole life down a different route and I would not necessarily have met certain people. Indeed, I would not have met many of my friends and would not be fortunate to be where I am now.

POPT M PROBEE

Sep 04

This story was posted on the 2SL website on the Defence Intranet and is reproduced here with the author's kind permission.

page: Royal Navy :: My Story
updated: 1 Aug 05