Remember - no two coming out
experiences are ever the same, so that this is not a checklist, more
a list of hints and tips you might want to consider,
Never come out in an argument or to hurt
someone.
Come out to people one at a time and somewhere
private; it's easier to reason with an
individual than with the mob.
Be ready to be peppered with questions
you might rather not answer - be honest and be frank.
People who are ignorant of the facts,
or emotionally distressed, may begin by saying things that are
hurtful without quite realising
what they
are saying. Remember that they may also be experiencing a turmoil
of emotions. You
have also dropped a big *thing* in their laps and you are asking
them to adjust and accept it immediately - you might have
taken years to come to
terms with your sexuality!
Friends, family or colleagues may already know
more about you than you credit them with.
People from a sheltered or religious background
may well have to square the circle between your (a 'normal' acquiantance)
and their stereotypes of the gay community (think Colin & Justin,
Lilly Savage, Elton). This could make their brains hurt a bit.
Be
sober. Be in control.
You might want to have your partner with you
when coming out for the first time to family or your closest friends.
It's best not to. Let those who love you deal with your bombshell
first of all; you can introduce significant others later on and you
can always call them after the event for moral support.
Be ready for them to need time and space
to think about things before any discussion takes place. With that
in mind -
Don't leave telling people until the last
day of
your visit home - do it half way through.
Make sure they are in no doubts before you leave
that it
is your life to live, you only have one, and
the bottom line is that you are going to continue living as a
gay person no matter what their reaction is.
Don’t plan on anything else
for the rest of the day.
Let them know where they can find out more if
they are too emotional of afraid to ask you straight away - tell
them about this website,
buy them a book, tell parents about support
groups.
Be prepared for follow-up questions by phone and in person -
coming out and coming to terms is an on-going process.
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