Help & Advice - Concepts of Sexuality

A common confusion exists in many people's minds regarding the relationship between sexuality and gender. For example, many people believe that a gay man is not a 'real man': that he wants to be a woman, and that he looks, acts and talks in a 'feminine' manner. Conversely, many people think that a lesbian is not a 'real woman' - that she is somehow 'manlike.' So, what is gender all about? Like sexuality, gender is made up of components.

Gender Identity <-> Gender Characteristics

Gender Identity

This relates to the core sense a person has of him- or herself as being male or female. That is, 'I see myself as a man or I see myself as a woman.'

Gender Characteristics

This relates to those characteristics that a given society uses as a 'badge' of masculinity or femininity. For example, society says that men should look, act and talk in certain ways, and that women should look, act and talk in certain ways.

The important thing to remember is that a person's sexual orientation is a different matter than his or her gender identity or gender characteristics. The vast majority of homosexual men have a masculine gender identity, and display masculine gender characteristics that mirror society's norms (although such norms are always changing). Similarly, the vast majority of homosexual women have a female gender identity and display feminine gender characteristics.

A gay man is not a woman in a man's body, and a lesbian is not a man in a woman's body. You cannot 'tell' if a person is homosexual, bisexual or heterosexual by referring to that person's gender identity, or the way they talk, act or dress.

Can you pick the gay celebrity?

Gay Icons like Gareth Thomas (Welsh Rugby Union Player) are much more representative of the average gay or bisexual person than Julian Clary is!

Can you pick the gay soldier(s)?

Only if you can read minds!

Which of these Pride onlookers are straight and which are gay?

Mythbuster #1. The vast majority of gay or bisexual people look, act and talk differently than the vast majority of heterosexual people, and can be spotted by trained observers. FALSE. Homosexual orientation does not 'show'.