Help & Advice - Concepts of Sexuality

Invisibility (keeping one's sexuality secret) is not equitable: Keeping a partner invisible places strains on relationships and on productivity.

Homophobia and heterosexism operate to keep homo- and bisexual personnel in the closet - that is, it keeps their sexuality invisible in the workplace. But so what? You might wonder why a gay or bisexual person's sexuality needs to be 'visible' at work?

After all, sexuality is a private matter of no relevance to the workplace, and heterosexual people leave their sexuality at home - right? Wrong! 

• Heterosexual people routinely display evidence of their sexual orientation, but they do it so often and it is done so indirectly, that they hardly notice they are doing it.
• They put a photo of an opposite sex partner on their desk at work.
• They routinely speak of their husband, wife, girlfriend or boyfriend.
• They discuss holiday plans and freely reveal the gender of their partner.

What are the consequences of making heterosexist assumptions and using heterosexist language?

A heterosexual female might come to work very tired from spending the night awake with a sick partner, and state to her colleagues, "I'm not feeling too well today, my boyfriend was sick all night and I didn't get much sleep."

All of these routine situations/discussions reveal the opposite sex gender of the speakers' partners - thus disclosing their heterosexuality.

However, if they were trying to hide their heterosexual orientation, they would have to hide any evidence of the gender of their partners or any events that have involved or do involve or could involve them.

And here's the point:

Our sexuality is much more than just our private sex lives. Since it revolves around a partner (whether temporary or permanent), it involves our hopes, dreams and plans as well as the events of our day-to-day lives.

To try to hide one's sexuality, a person must hide those people and events that are most central to his or her life, and it must be done consistently and constantly.