Help & Advice - Concepts of Sexuality

It is very important that we distinguish among three components of human sexuality:

sexual orientation <-> sexual identity <-> sexual behaviour

Sexual Orientation

Our sexual orientation has to do with the gender to which we find ourselves sexually attracted. Sexual orientation can be heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual.  Is our sexual orientation something we choose? No.

 If you are heterosexual, when you hit puberty, did you think to yourself "Let's see .. I think I'll decide to be turned on by the opposite sex"? If you are like other heterosexuals, you probably answered no. It shouldn't really come a surprise then, that gay and bisexual people are just the same. In fact, when people first realise that they are attracted to their own gender, they are often horrified. Much of this horror is due to social stereotypes and prejudice. Many young people are so upset at this realisation that they take their own lives (30% of accomplished teenage suicides are committed by gay and bisexual youth), turn to alcohol or drugs, or end up in other self-destructive behaviour.

Sexual Identity

Our sexual identity has to do with how we label (identify) ourselves. That is, do we label ourselves as homosexual, heterosexual or bisexual?
There may be a difference between our sexual identity and our sexual orientation. Many people with some degree of homosexual orientation are afraid to identify as homo- or bisexual, and will identify instead as heterosexual.

Sexual Behaviour

Sexual behaviour has to do with the gender of the person or persons with whom we actually have sexual relations. That is, with which gender(s) do we actually engage in sexual relations?

Sexual behaviour can be heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual, depending on the gender of our sexual partner(s).

As with sexual identity, there may be a difference between our sexual behaviour and our sexual orientation. Many people with a homo- or bisexual orientation never or rarely engage in homosexual behaviour, because they feel it is wrong, or because it is a stigmatised behaviour that can cause tremendous problems for the person if he or she is 'caught out,' and can induce terrible guilt even if he or she is not.

In summary

There may be many more people with a homosexual orientation than who ever engage in homosexual behaviour, and there are many more people who engage in homosexual behaviour than who ever adopt a homosexual identity.