Help & Advice - Concepts of Sexuality
It is very important that we distinguish among three components of human sexuality:
sexual orientation <-> sexual identity <-> sexual behaviour
Sexual Orientation
Our sexual orientation has to do with the gender to which we find ourselves sexually attracted. Sexual orientation can be heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual. Is our sexual orientation something we choose? No.
If you are heterosexual, when you hit puberty, did you think to yourself "Let's see .. I think I'll decide to be turned on by the opposite sex"? If you are like other heterosexuals, you probably answered no. It shouldn't really come a surprise then, that gay and bisexual people are just the same. In fact, when people first realise that they are attracted to their own gender, they are often horrified. Much of this horror is due to social stereotypes and prejudice. Many young people are so upset at this realisation that they take their own lives (30% of accomplished teenage suicides are committed by gay and bisexual youth), turn to alcohol or drugs, or end up in other self-destructive behaviour.
Read more: Concepts of Sexuality: Orientation, Identity and Behaviour
Help & Advice - Concepts of Sexuality
A common confusion exists in many people's minds regarding the relationship between sexuality and gender. For example, many people believe that a gay man is not a 'real man': that he wants to be a woman, and that he looks, acts and talks in a 'feminine' manner. Conversely, many people think that a lesbian is not a 'real woman' - that she is somehow 'manlike.' So, what is gender all about? Like sexuality, gender is made up of components.
Gender Identity <-> Gender Characteristics
Gender Identity
This relates to the core sense a person has of him- or herself as being male or female. That is, 'I see myself as a man or I see myself as a woman.'
Gender Characteristics
This relates to those characteristics that a given society uses as a 'badge' of masculinity or femininity. For example, society says that men should look, act and talk in certain ways, and that women should look, act and talk in certain ways.
The important thing to remember is that a person's sexual orientation is a different matter than his or her gender identity or gender characteristics. The vast majority of homosexual men have a masculine gender identity, and display masculine gender characteristics that mirror society's norms (although such norms are always changing). Similarly, the vast majority of homosexual women have a female gender identity and display feminine gender characteristics.
A gay man is not a woman in a man's body, and a lesbian is not a man in a woman's body. You cannot 'tell' if a person is homosexual, bisexual or heterosexual by referring to that person's gender identity, or the way they talk, act or dress.
