Help & Advice - Coming out

The exerpts below are all real-world coming out stories by gay and lesbian service personnel from the Royal Navy, Royal Marines, British Army, Royal Air Force and their reserves.

"I've come out twice now since I've been in (only a year). Once on Basic Training and once when i got here to my first proper post. Both times i told one person and it slowly filtered round. I think this is probably the easiest and best way of doing it. I really didnt feel i should have to stand up and tell some people, like it was an issue. I just slipped it into conversation and let them pick up on it."

"I've had no problems of significance since coming out. As someone who enjoys a bit of banter, I'm quite happy for a bit of joshing about my sexuality - have to be adult about these things. The difference between banter and blatant prejudice is, in my experience, very clear and easily spotted."

"I was on a works night out, when one of the guys I worked with turned round and asked me completly out of the blue. Got me by suprise. Everyone else I worked with found out that night. They where all cool about it. You know what the RAF garpevine is like, the rest of the base new within 24 hours. Only every had one problem which was sorted rather quickly."

"No problems, but i really have been there where ppl ask you and you lie about your sexuality. I hated it and that was a major power in swaying my decision to come out.."

"The worst thing about it is my good friend and mentor (who i look up to and respect so much!) works at the same place as me so i am worried about what he will think when he finds out. I dont want to disapoint him at all. Lets see what happens

"I was a bit drunk in Stanley a couple of months ago and had been stalked by a Flt chick for months. She managed to get me to her place for a party - she basically pulled me into the en-suite and tried it on. To cut a very long story short I turned her down and she replied 'if you don't want to sleep with me you must be gay', to which I answered 'I am'. Now I thought that will have done it, she heard it, my work colleagues heard it but no one would believe me. Even after repeating it time and time again she still did not believe me and took it as a direct insult that I did not want to sleep with her. ....I thought it would never be that hard... I would much rather a trickle of a rumour than a large gush."

"I didn't really have a problem with coming out, I kept quiet through training (mainly 'coz I didnt wanna be singled out), but when I got to regiment I thought 'what the hell im not going to lie for the next 4 years.' All the guys have been great about it, think that coz I came out whilst on adventure training so everyone was chilled out anyways, the subject came up (as it seems to do) and it just came out, was really strange as I wasn't even out to my family at this point ( I am now). There were a few die hards there that couldn't deal with it, but the way I look at it is I've got longer to serve than them so I guess in time that'll sort it's self out lol."

"I suppose the funniest one for me was one chap who was in front of me in a crush at the bar and taking an age to decide what he was ordering. I joked "Hurry up or I'll shag ye!" He was waiting in my room when I went to bed."