Help & Advice - Coming out

Remember - no two coming out experiences are ever the same, so that this is not so much a checklist, more a list of hints and tips you might want to consider.

1. Never come out in an argument or to hurt someone.
2. Come out to people one at a time and somewhere private; it's easier to reason with an individual than with the mob.
3. Be ready to be peppered with questions you might rather not answer - be honest and be frank.
4. People who are ignorant of the facts, or emotionally distressed, may begin by saying things that are hurtful without quite realising what they are saying. Remember that they may also be experiencing a turmoil of emotions. You have also dropped a big *thing* in their laps and you are asking them to adjust and accept it immediately - you might have taken years to come to terms with your sexuality!
5. Friends, family or colleagues may already know more about you than you credit them with.
6. People from a sheltered or religious background may well have to square the circle between your (a 'normal' acquiantance) and their stereotypes of the gay community (think Colin & Justin, Lilly Savage, Elton). This could make their brains hurt a bit.
7. Be sober. Be in control.
8. You might want to have your partner with you when coming out for the first time to family or your closest friends. It's best not to. Let those who love you deal with your bombshell first of all; you can introduce significant others later on and you can always call them after the event for moral support.
9. Be ready for them to need time and space to think about things before any discussion takes place. With that in mind:

• Don't leave telling people until the last day of your visit home - do it half way through.
• Make sure they are in no doubts before you leave that it is your life to live, you only have one, and the bottom line is that you are going to continue living as a gay person no matter what their reaction is.
• Don’t plan on anything else for the rest of the day.
• Let them know where they can find out more if they are too emotional of afraid to ask you straight away - tell them about this website, buy them a book, tell parents about support groups.
• Be prepared for follow-up questions by phone and in person - coming out and coming to terms is an on-going process.